Dunking Is Easier With 50″ Vertical
From the “I used to be able to jump” department. For those of us re-living our glory days, in wildly embellished detail, here’s a cool video of a kid who can really leap! 5’11″ and sporting a 50″ vertical!
Popularity: 1% [?]
Terror Alerts Around The World By John Cleese :-)
From the BBC – by John Cleese. ANNOUNCEMENT
The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have therefore raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.” Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.” The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to “A Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.
The Scots have raised their threat level from “Pissed Off” to “Let’s get the Bastards.” They don’t have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.
The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from “Run” to “Hide.” The only two higher levels in France are “Collaborate” and “Surrender.” The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France’s white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country’s military capability.
Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout Loudly and Excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing.” Two more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides.” The Germans have increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.” They also have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbor” and “Lose.”
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels. The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from “No worries” to “She’ll be alright, Mate.” Three more escalation levels remain: “Crikey!”, “I think we’ll need to cancel the barbie this weekend,” and “The barbie is cancelled.” And finally Canada is at “That’s not nice and please stop” threat level, and has passed a bill in the House of Commons to never raise the level any higher so not to offend the terrorists.
Popularity: 15% [?]
Government Cuts And Cowboy Poetry
We’ve all heard how concerned President Obama, Nancy Pelosi, and Senate Majority leader Harry Reid are about the deficit, right? Well, here’s an example of just how concerned they really are.
Watch as Harry Reid (remember, he’s the SENATE MAJORITY LEADER of this country) defends COWBOY POETRY as he strains to excuse the out of control spending he and his fuzzy thinking cronies endorse (after watching, check out a great example of cowboy poetry below, which, I might add, came into being without a dime of federal government funding (gasp!)
An ol’ cowpoke went ridin’ out one dark and windy day
Upon a ridge he rested as he went along his way
When all at once he spied a posse from the GOP
A-hangin’ from that ol’ mesquite his fed’ral subsidy
His pen was still a-fire and he knew how to spell “git”
But an ol’ paint can’t outride a trillion-dollar deficit
If only Harry Reid can head ’em off at that there pass
‘Cuz he hasn’t finished paying off creative-writing class
Yipp-ki-o yippi-ki-ay
Cow Poets On The Dole
Yipp-ki-o yippi-ki-ay
Cow Poets On The Dole…
By Mark Stein
Heart warming stuff! I wonder how on earth he does it without the support of the federal government? Amazing!
Popularity: 5% [?]
Real Headlines Gone Wrong…
Here’s some examples of real published headlines, very funny:
Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife And Daughter
Something Went Wrong In Jet Crash, Expert Says
Police Begin Campaign To Run Down Jaywalkers
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
Miners Refuse To Work After Death
Juvenile Court To Try Shooting Defendant
War Dims Hope For Peace
Cold Wave Linked To Temperatures
Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
“Red Tape” Holds Up New Bridges
New Study Of Obesity Looks For Larger Test Group
Astronaut Takes Blame For Gas In Spacecraft
Local High School Dropouts Cut In Half
Hospitals Are Sued By 7 Foot Doctors
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
… And they say American Inglish Skills are gittin wurse…
Popularity: 1% [?]
Red Bull’s Amazing “Hangar 7 & 8″
Check out the amazing Red Bull “Toy Collection” in Hangar 7&8 in Salzburg, Austria!
Popularity: 8% [?]
Trick Shot Quarterback
Volkswagen’s “The Force” Video
Handy Texting Guide For Seniors
More and more seniors are learning to text. Here are some handy shortcuts they could use to help their family understand them better:
ATD: At The Doctor’s
BTW: Bring The Wheelchair
BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth
CBM: Covered By Medicare
CGU: Can’t get up
CUATSC: See You At The Senior Center
DWI: Driving While Incontinent
FWIW: Forgot Where I Was
FYI: Found Your Insulin
GGPBL: Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low!
GHA: Got Heartburn Again
HGBM: Had Good Bowel Movement
IMHO: Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL: Living On Lipitor
LWO: Lawrence Welk’s On
OMMR: On My Massage Recliner
OMSG: Oh My! Sorry, Gas.
PIMP: Pooped in my pants
ROFL… CGU: Rolling On The Floor Laughing… And Can’t Get Up
TTYL: Talk To You Louder
WAITT: Who Am I Talking To?
WTFA: Wet The Furniture Again
WTP: Where’s The Prunes?
WWNO: Walker Wheels Need Oil
GLKI: Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In
Popularity: 3% [?]
Great Thomas Jefferson Quotes
John J. Kennedy held a dinner in the White House that included some of the brightest minds of his time. During that event he made this statement:
“This is perhaps the assembly of the most intelligence ever to gather at one time in the White House, with the exception of when Thomas Jefferson dined alone.”
Here are some of Thomas Jefferson’s great quotes:
When we get piled upon one another in large cities, as in Europe, we shall become as corrupt as Europe .
The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who would not.
It is incumbent on every generation to pay its own debts as it goes. A principle which if acted on would save one-half the wars of the world.
I predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them.
My reading of history convinces me that most bad government results from too much government.
No free man shall ever be debarred the use of arms.
The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government.
Some great food for thought from one of America’s brightest minds.
Popularity: 1% [?]
Free Hugs- Gets Me Every Time
A friend sent this over, and I watched it again for about the 10th time, but still enjoyed it. If you’ve seen it before, time for a refresher! If you haven’t, enjoy!
Popularity: 1% [?]