Dear iPhone 4 Users,

The iPhone 4 has been the most successful product launch in Apple’s history. It has been judged by reviewers around the world to be the best smartphone ever, and users have told us that they love it. So we were surprised when we read reports of reception problems, and we immediately began investigating them. Here is what we have learned.

-”Holy Crap, I can’t believe I have to write this freaking letter.”

To start with, gripping almost any mobile phone in certain ways will reduce its reception by 1 or more bars. This is true of iPhone 4, iPhone 3GS, as well as many Droid, Nokia and RIM phones.

-”At least we don’t suck as bad as some of our competitors.”

But some users have reported that iPhone 4 can drop 4 or 5 bars when tightly held in a way which covers the black strip in the lower left corner of the metal band. This is a far bigger drop than normal, and as a result some have accused the iPhone 4 of having a faulty antenna design.

-”Right now, Steve Jobs is tearing the heads of small stuffed animals.”

At the same time, we continue to read articles and receive hundreds of emails from users saying that iPhone 4 reception is better than the iPhone 3GS. They are delighted. This matches our own experience and testing. What can explain all of this?

-”I wish the “hundreds of e-mails” of supporters matched the hundreds of thousands of complaints…”

We have discovered the cause of this dramatic drop in bars, and it is both simple and surprising.

-”Somebody’s head is going to roll. Probably a whole department.”

Upon investigation, we were stunned to find that the formula we use to calculate how many bars of signal strength to display is totally wrong. Our formula, in many instances, mistakenly displays 2 more bars than it should for a given signal strength. For example, we sometimes display 4 bars when we should be displaying as few as 2 bars. Users observing a drop of several bars when they grip their iPhone in a certain way are most likely in an area with very weak signal strength, but they don’t know it because we are erroneously displaying 4 or 5 bars. Their big drop in bars is because their high bars were never real in the first place.

-”Too honest? Dang it, probably.”

To fix this, we are adopting AT&T’s recently recommended formula for calculating how many bars to display for a given signal strength. The real signal strength remains the same, but the iPhone’s bars will report it far more accurately, providing users a much better indication of the reception they will get in a given area. We are also making bars 1, 2 and 3 a bit taller so they will be easier to see.

-”Ha Ha! Now, all the users who never realized there was a problem will suddenly see less bars! Won’t they be thrilled!”

We will issue a free software update within a few weeks that incorporates the corrected formula. Since this mistake has been present since the original iPhone, this software update will also be available for the iPhone 3GS and iPhone 3G.

-”Yes, world, this is not a new bug. Can you spell “class action lawsuit?”

We have gone back to our labs and retested everything, and the results are the same— the iPhone 4’s wireless performance is the best we have ever shipped. For the vast majority of users who have not been troubled by this issue, this software update will only make your bars more accurate. For those who have had concerns, we apologize for any anxiety we may have caused.

-”Blah, blah, blah. I wonder if Steve is going to read this.”

As a reminder, if you are not fully satisfied, you can return your undamaged iPhone to any Apple Retail Store or the online Apple Store within 30 days of purchase for a full refund.

-”Not likely! Good thing people use them more to play games than make phone calls!”

We hope you love the iPhone 4 as much as we do.

Thank you for your patience and support.

Apple

-”Wow! Glad that’s over.”

A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and inquired of his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car.

His father said he’d make a deal with his son: ‘You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut. Then we’ll talk about the car.’

The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he’d settle for the offer, and they agreed on it.

After about six weeks his father said, ‘Son, you’ve brought your grades up and I’ve observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I’m disappointed you haven’t had your hair cut.

The boy said, ‘You know, Dad, I’ve been thinking about that, and I’ve noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair…and there’s even strong evidence that Jesus had long hair.’

His father replied, ‘Did you also notice they all walked everywhere they went?

This is cool! Way to go bro! The story is taken from Christopher Newport University’s website:

Dr. Rick Sherwin, assistant professor of biology at Christopher Newport University, may be the new host of Animal Planet’s developing television show “Sacred Beasts”.

In January, Sherwin was contacted by the show’s creators from Ping Pong Productions who expressed interest in casting him as the host of their new television project. Having little experience in hosting or acting in general, Sherwin was thoroughly surprised with the offer.

“I’ve never had any real aspiration to work in front of cameras. Most of the work I do is usually behind the scene research,” said Sherwin.

The people at Ping Pong Productions did a little research of their own and after an extensive review saw Sherwin as a good fit for the job.

“We wanted an expert, not so much a TV personality, but a scientist/biologist/adventurer type to carry the show and bring some scientific credibility to the project.” said Ping Pong Production employee, Rob Stiles.

A perfect match to this criteria, Sherwin stands out from an infinite number of researchers and professors due to his undaunted interests and dedication to his field.

As a conservation biologist, Sherwin emphasizes the importance of learning outside the classroom to all his students and certainly epitomizes this ideal. Whereas most research is conducted in air conditioned labs or on closely monitored territory, Sherwin’s scientific interests have led him to dangerous explorations in 100-year-old abandoned mines.

The research is based around the conservation of the Townsend’s big-eared bats, a species whose survival is contingent upon the adequate management of abandoned mines. Sherwin takes an active role in the preservation of this species by uncovering bat habitats and conducting genetic analysis to see the variations in each mine’s population.

Sherwin has been to many locations including Alaska, Arizona, Idaho and Nevada delving into hazardous mines searching for bats. Most mines are considered real dangers to the public as they may carry live and active blasting caps, toxic gases or unstable structures ready to collapse. Because of these unsafe conditions most mines are closed and sealed. Sherwin’s goal as a bat conservationist is to survey the various mines for bats and recommend the best way to close them using bat-friendly barriers.

“As a conservation biologist, I believe strongly that the needs of wildlife and integrity of natural systems can be maintained, even in the face of burgeoning human populations and encroachment into natural areas,” explained Sherwin.

In 2005, Sherwin’s efforts were documented as part of a segment for the show “Science Out There” produced by Rich Blundell, founder of Omniscopic Productions.

It was this footage of Sherwin’s Northern Idaho expedition that caught the attention of the Los Angeles based Ping Pong Production company in considering a host for “Sacred Beasts.”

The production designed for Animal Planet which interweaves science and anthropology, will focus on the cultural significance of animals in various societies. “Sacred Beasts takes an in depth look into societies, cultures, cults and festivals that celebrate animals around the world,” said Stiles. “Today, some of the most extraordinary festivals and religious ceremonies are evidence of just how close the relationship is between man and beast. This show will tell the stories of their religious, cultural or spiritual fears which keep man and beast in reverse power to this day.”

Although there are a few details left in the decision making process, such as seeing how Sherwin translates on camera, excitement is apparent among students and faculty alike.

“Education outside of the classroom can best be achieved through involvement outside of academia, in more wide reaching forums such as the media and popular literature,” said Sherwin. Surely this oppurtunity will allow for a broad application of science, one that will spark interest among the public and the CNU community.

Wow! The past has a way of catching up with you! When I was a boy, about 9 years old, living in Kelowna British Columbia, I was involved in one of the most credible sitings of the Okanagan lake monster, the Ogopogo.

Really. Not only did my dad, myself, and my friends Paul and Mark Hasagawa see it, but within that hour a ski boat full of people also saw it in the same vicinity of the lake. OK, so now you think I’m completely lying or nuts, but just for fun, watch this clip from an old version of “In Search Of” with Leonard Nemoy.

My dad is the first person to speak:

Kids just speaking their minds:

A Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments.
They were ready to discuss the last one.
The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it was.
Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted, “Thou
shall not take the covers off the neighbor’s wife.”
————————————————————————
After the christening of his baby brother in church,
Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car.
His father asked him three times what was wrong.
Finally, the boy replied, “That preacher said
he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I
wanted to stay with you guys.”
——————————————————
I had been teaching my three-year old daughter,
Caitlin, the Lord’s Prayer
for several evenings at bedtime, she would repeat
after me the lines from the prayer. Finally, she decided
to go solo. I listened with pride as she
carefully enunciated each word, then right up to the end
of the prayer: “Lead us not into temptation,” she prayed, “but
deliver us some E-mail. Amen.”
—————————————————————
and one particular four-year-old prayed, “And
forgive us our trash baskets as we forgive those who
put trash in our baskets.”
———————————————————————-
A Sunday school teacher asked her children, as they
were on the way to church service, “And why is it necessary to
be quiet in church?” Her daughter replied, “Because people are
sleeping.”
————————————————————————
Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old brother
Joel were sitting together in church.
Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud.
Finally, his big sister had had enough.
“You’re not supposed to talk out loud in church.”
“Why? Who’s going to stop me?” Joel asked.
Angie pointed to the back of the church
and said, “See those two men standing by the door?
They’re hushers.”
———————————————————————
A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin,
5, Ryan, 3. The boys began to argue over who would get
the first pancake.
Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson.
“If Jesus were sitting here, He would say,
‘Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.’
” Kevin turned to his younger brother and said,
” Ryan, you be Jesus!”
——————————————————————-
A father was at the beach with his children when the
four-year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand,
and led him to the shore, where a seagull lay dead
in the sand. “Daddy, what happened to him?” the son
asked. “He died and went to Heaven,” the Dad replied.
The boy thought a moment and then said,
“Did God throw him back down?”
———————————————————–
A wife invited some people to dinner. At the table,
she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said,
“Would you like to say the blessing?” “I
wouldn’t know what to say,” the girl replied.
“Just say what you hear Mommy
say,” the wife answered. The daughter bowed her head
and said, “Lord, why on
earth did I invite all these people to dinner?”
——————————————————
A little boy was overheard praying:” Lord, if you
can’t make me a better boy, don’t worry about it.
I’m having a real good time like I am.”

Two great letters about the Olympics, one from my dad and the other from NBC anchorman Brian Williams.

My mom and dad, bro-in law Steve, and nephew Jacob at Olympics

My mom and dad live in the Vancouver area, here’s what my dad had to say:

We had a great Olympic experience, We took the Westcoast express in 3 times, we milled around with people of Good Will from around the World, it was a fun party, we didn’t want it to end.

The security measures were there but mostly out of sight, the police were appreciated by all, the blue jacketed volunteers were a treasure, they came from every where, Stratford on Avon, Missouri, New York, Oklahoma City, and on and on. Vancouver was at it’s loveliest, The World’s media had a hard time finding fault so they made stuff up, it was the greatest Winter games ever and to top it off The final Hockey game, USA v CANADA, had to go to overtime. There were no losers at these games.

Brian Williams, anchor and managing editor

After tonight’s broadcast and after looting our hotel mini-bars, we’re going to try to brave the blizzard and fly east to home and hearth, and to do laundry well into next week. Before we leave this thoroughly polite country, the polite thing to do is leave behind a thank-you note.

Thank you, Canada:

For being such good hosts.

For your unfailing courtesy.

For your (mostly) beautiful weather.

For scheduling no more than 60 percent of your float plane departures at the exact moment when I was trying to say something on television.

For not seeming to mind the occasional (or constant) good-natured mimicry of your accents.

For your unique TV commercials — for companies like Tim Hortons — which made us laugh and cry.

For securing this massive event without choking security, and without publicly displaying a single automatic weapon.

For having the best garment design and logo-wear of the games — you’ve made wearing your name a cool thing to do.

For the sportsmanship we saw most of your athletes display.

For not honking your horns. I didn’t hear one car horn in 15 days — which also means none of my fellow New Yorkers rented cars while visiting.

For making us aware of how many of you have been watching NBC all these years.

For having the good taste to have an anchorman named Brian Williams on your CTV network, who turns out to be such a nice guy.

For the body scans at the airport which make pat-downs and cavity searches unnecessary.

For designing those really cool LED Olympic rings in the harbor, which turned to gold when your athletes won one.

For always saying nice things about the United States…when you know we’re listening.

For sharing Joannie Rochette with us.

For reminding some of us we used to be a more civil society.

End of quote.

Makes me proud to be a Canuck. And yes, when Canada beat the US in hockey, I was rooting for Canada. I know, been here 18 years (in the US) but the Maple Leaf runs deep!

This is too funny:

This is a really fantastic piece! I had no idea that Canada was the US largest supplier of oil, for example, or a lot of these other cool facts: